Happy 추 석.

I got back from the Fulbright teaching conference this weekend in 경 주 and I must say that it was the exact opposite from what I expected. In fact, I will go that extra mile and say that, yes, I learned something in those workshops. The two most important things I learned? 1)What I've been doing wrong. 2)Most others in Fulbright have it so much worse. I mean if they could see my school, they'd kick me square in the nuts for even looking frustrated. Cara Chebuske, you might be the strongest and most patient person I know.

The other half of the conference went as suspected, though there were some events thrown into the mix that were not on the pre-departure agenda for fun: I had no idea that I'd watch Lauryn try and use the emergency repelling device installed in the 6th floor of the hotel, or ride circus-size clown motorcycles that went at ungodly speeds(especially when attempting to do stunt riding). I also did not envision following a traveling Phillipino Lounge Duo to their next gig which had only two people awaiting them. Nor did I imagine that I'd be riding my first tandem bicycle the next morning. I missed the CSI marathon though and that hurts a little, but I filled the void with Pizza tonight.

This is where I start getting serious folks. I don't think I've ever been as ashamed to be associated with my race as I have been tonight. While walking down the street this evening, we were crept upon by an older white man. He startled us from behind by saying, "I bet you didn't know other people here spoke you language." It was especially weird since we were having a rather personal conversation. But despite those initial awkward words that ignite the flames of 'who-says-I-want-to-speak-english-to-you-buddy-I-might-have-come-to-Korea-to-leave-that-scene' connotations, I engaged in conversation as we walked toward the HomePlus Mart. Within 30 seconds we had learned that he had retired to Seogwipo, was British, and thinks that Koreans, "have bad manners, etiquette, and are brainless."

When I heard these words, my blood curdled. I was shocked, to say the least. I felt I had to defend Korea, Koreans and the culture that has been so inviting and generous to me. He began to tell us how, "once the children turn 15 they become brainless." What does one say to this? We told him politely and calmly that this may seem that way due to their long history and different education system. But he continued and asked us if we were teachers. Yes, we were the authority on this subject, and you sir, are a hate-mongering, abominable, self-righteous, bigoted asshole. We reached our destination and as we tried to depart he then continued his embarrassment by adding: "Even the markets are a joke. You can't even buy a real sausage or bacon." He was not fazed by the simple answer that some cultures eat different things. We turned our backs to him and left. As I entered the supermarket, I felt like crying. I felt as though I'd just met the worst person alive. I felt ashamed to know that he walks about this island spreading the word through his actions that white people are intolerant of Koreans.

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Dear Sir British John Doe of Seogwipo,

Your views on this culture are uneducated, loathing, and reak of arrogance. You chose to live a life of retirement pleasure in Seogwipo, South Korea. Therefore, you are the brainless one. Did you think that customs would be the same here? You're a fool if you say yes. Does it not strike you that maybe Koreans think YOU have bad etiquette? Well, it should because it is 100% true. Have you taken a poll about the taste of Korean food versus British? No, because no one likes crumpets and black-pudding! I'm glad my ancestors told your wig-toting government to fuck-off. I'd rather see Cheney as our next president for the next four years than spend another 5 minutes with you. I hope your testicles are eaten alive by maggots and your heart implodes from the pressure of the forth-coming egalitarian global world. Eat shit and die, you old-world piece of white-trash. I hope your penis falls off and is made into kimchi, because that's what you are: A rotten dick.

Sincerely,
James Alexander Page of Seogwipo
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I'm sorry for the vulgarity, Grandma. I really am. I was having such a wonderful day until I met that man. I had to vent.

While having a debriefing session about this guy on the way back from HomePlus, we ran into some nice Dutch tourists, a couple who began our interaction by asking, "Excuse me, are you familiar with the neighborhood?" It reminded me that goodness is found in the language of kindness. The words you use, the smiles you wear, and the quaintness of questions you ask; I was more than happy to help those two find a USB cable for his camera. I hope they love Seogwipo and share their wonderful tales with all their friends.

Then I was hit by a car on my walk home. No, seriously, I was hit by a car while standing on the sidewalk.