Let's imagine for a minute that you have found the greatest tasting food ever to grace the planet. It literally embodies the feeling of an orgasm in your mouth. When people describe it they become speechless, and use awe-infused words. It's so great that people dedicate their lives to it much like the way a crack-addict, pool-junkie, or surfer do. But there is one caveat to the food. It's intangible. You cannot stab it with a fork, grasp it with chopsticks, scoop it with a spoon or even hold it with your hands once you open it's container. Instead, one must attempt a telekinetic type maneuver to navigate the desirable and delectable food onto the taste buds. It's a tricky process that few learn to do, but many claim that once you've learned, you will never eat anything else again. But to further complicate the process of attaining this life-altering food, you must dislocate your jaw bone. The method for unhooking your jaw is not painful, though it can be uncomfortable, however, it is not nearly as uncomfortable as eating said orgasm without proper methods. Because, you see, when you do not dislocate your jaw for eating this food, a treatable, but malign, tumor grows inside your skull.

What the hell am I talking about? Well, now that you understand this quirky dilemma, you may understand my state of being. I am currently treating this "tumor".

Basically, I learned to scuba dive this past week and it was amazing. Life under the sea is indescribable and euphoric. It's like something out of a dream world and makes you feel like you've found the most exhilarating drug around. But to access this world you must have the skills of scuba, and to use these skills, you must be able to equalise your ears. My problem is that even though I equalized, and took my time, somehow I didn't do it correctly, or timely, and the "tumor" that is growing in my head is actually some bleeding inside my middle ears. I am able to get it treated--don't worry--but currently I have some severe itching happening inside my ears, muffled hearing, and the feeling of a foreign object in my right ear. I think I can say that I have had better days. What's worst about this whole thing is that a) I can't dive and b) I can't drink my sorrows (of not being able to dive) away. I'd rather endure the annoyance of leeches again than be housebound for bleeding ears.

Current Life Awesomeness Level (1-10): 2