I've been meaning to rant about something for a while, and today's lunch sparked it again for me. Here's my beef:

Korean/American trade barriers have recently been knocked down all thanks to the "buy local" exterminator--The FTA. Though I disagree with the FTA out of respect to small time farmers, I like to see globalization within developed countries. What?!? I'm a consumerist, Nihilist, and a sadistic imperialist that wants to have his damn coffee and drink it too (one of those labels is true, can you guess?). Anyway, my point is that for a while in Korea, there was all this tension about US imported beef because they had found a piece of bone during a customs X-ray inspection. And all this hub-bub at the time sort of pissed me off. *Please disregard the fact that bone fragments in US Beef are feared to spread Mad Cow Disease to uninfected countries so we may maintain the unequivocal humor of blind blog aggression.


You see, anyone that has lived in Korea understands why this would be aggravating. Today I had what I hope will be my last meal of something I lovingly like to call, Bone Fragment Stew. Yes, it's a stew that features pieces of bone, some pork, vegetables and an oily broth that hides the throat-tearing particles by allowing them to easily cling to the ridges of the cabbage leaves.

So what Korea? It's ok for you to deny the importation of thousands of pounds of American Beef due to one bone fragment, but you are allowed to put a pig in a blender, stir in some veggies and call it a delicious stew? That's hypocrisy and I hope you know how easy it is to choke on hypocrisy, especially when it's chopped up really small and hidden among an oily sauce.

Time's really widdling down here, like down to a toothpick size piece of time. However, I'm in this state of anticipation instead of sorrow. People here ask me, "Is there anything you want to do before you leave?" And my answer is usually, "Pack."

It's not that I've had a terrible time here, it's that I can't wait for some old favorites. You know, the simple things: Avocados, English, Burritos, HBO, Coffee, Basketball, Micro-Brews, Driving, and Unemployment... just to name a few. Of course, I'm dying to get back to see my new nephew, and older niece, the rest of The Fam, and maybe a homie or two. But I'll miss Korea--when I'm back home.

Oh, and I bought a plane ticket to New Zealand with a stop off in Fiji for the Fall. I guess this will turn into It's Just a Kiwi.

A couple days ago I watched a cop run away from a drunk man. That's pretty much the story, but it gets better with the facts.

I step outside my gym around 6pm ready to stuff my face full of food like a masochistic bulimic at an all you can eat buffet (yeah? does that simile make you cringe or smile?). To my expectation, I see a belligerently drunk man in the street yelling at god knows what. Then I notice the police, who (as usual) are doing nothing about anything. But one of the authorities calls over to the man and I notice something in his hand. He reaches out to the man as they approach one another and hands him a half-full soju bottle. Now I'm thinking, why would you hand this drunkard more alcohol? I assume, they confiscated it, then realised they didn't want it and decided to be kind and give it back to him so he'd shut up. But the man grabs what belongs to him from the officer and proceeds to bull charge the other officer. What does the policeman do? Well what any upstanding, respectful, and fearless order enforcing official would do... run away. The drunk man continues to make a public spectacle of the situation and humiliate these policemen in front of a crowd. The man starts calling them 'fuckers' in Korean and what I can only assume were a onslaught of vulgarities from his half-slurred speech. The police take cover in their car, and when they decide the situation is too hairy, they leave. All the while they're driving off, the man is yelling and telling the witnesses how big of pushovers the cops are in Korea. He came up to me and started speaking to me, but all I could understand was that he thought the cops were 'fuckers'. I got this idea in my head though, obviously this drunk man has asserted his reign over the city by sending the cops cowering like dogs between their tails. If I just land a right cross on this man's jaw, sending him to the pavement, then I shall become the mayor of Seogwipo and have the townspeople at my beckon. Yes, I must assassinate the drunkard and all authority shall be mine.

My co-teacher has this tradition every friday now. I ask her how she is and she responds, "TGIF". Now, I think it's great and all that she knows how to use this acronym (it would not surprise me if a Korean used it on a Tuesday), but I hate people say that, especially with regularity. People that say "TGIF" are probably the same people that have season passes to amusement parks and call 'soda' by the sadly cute attempt of 'sody pop'.

My host mom invited me out to see her play in a volleyball game. Lauryn decided to come along and see the spectacle of ajuma sports. Turns out, the game was actually a high school reunion and was more of a spectacle than one could possibly imagine. Don't worry, it included karaoke. We got hounded to eat dinner with them, despite our explaining that we had a birthday dinner to go to, and eventually we caved. At dinner I made an awkward admittance at Lauryn being my girlfriend and immediately the women were inviting themselves to the wedding which was complete news to us. In Korea, the rule is to roll with it, it's too bad they think her name is Helen.

I got some Hambeok being tailored for me as a present from my school. I tried to steer clear of the heinous color scheme of hot pink and blue, but I had to settle with lavender. At least I got to choose the color. My host dad took me shopping for a teapot, told me which one to buy (against my will), and then bought it for me. When he pulled out the bills I decided he had chosen the best one. I'm starting to get the feeling my host family sleeps on a pile of money and not a yo.

I finished my diving course, and though I again have some ear trouble, it's less than the first time. I think I've seen the doctor more times than I've seen my dive instructor. Anyway, diving's pretty rad when you're not bleeding from the ear.

Online scrabble has sort of taken over my life. If you're looking for a game, just email me. I'm always down, just as long as you don't put down the word 'upo', I don't care if scrabble thinks it's a word. Upo means nothing. It is merely and acronym which is illegal in Scrabble and therefore not a valid word. I want my fucking turn back scrabulous.com .