My flight to Bangkok was peaceful, for a while. I got to catch up on some sleep I missed while trying to rest the night before in the airport. The flight was normal until a hot-headed Korean man assaulted two of the crew for falsely accusing him of smoking in the bathroom. I witnessed it all and this is how it went down:

Male crew member stops female crew member in front of the bathroom door and they seem to discuss the smell emanating. They begin knocking on the door, but no response comes from within. They conclude that either way, something terrible has happened, e.g. stroke, slip and fall, or smoking. They knock for several minutes and finally the man comes out. The crew starts talking to him in English, because they only speak Thai and English, and they ask him for his passport while one goes inside to find the evidence. But the man is frustrated immediately and starts yelling in the little English he knows, "God Dammit!", and he starts getting belligerent by hitting the door and walls. While this is scene develops the other bathroom door opens across the aisle and the smell attracts the male crew member. He realizes it was the other guy and asks him for his passport. The female crew member explains herself quite eloquently and politely and apologizes profusely for disturbing him, but reminds him that he must respond while in the bathroom for the safety of everyone on board. He continues to yell while they deal with the smoker, his manner makes it seem like he just wants attention. So, on his way back to his seat while the male crew member makes his apology, the man pushes him in the chest, and then takes his book in hand and hits the woman on moderately hard on the arm. The passengers gasp and this big old Thai dude wearing a Naval hat jumps up and steps between them making sure that this Korean knows he'll get smacked down if he so much looks at her again.

To make this story short, he just sat there and demanded to speak with the smoker and see a copy of the FAA rules and regulations. There were no police waiting at the terminal like you'd expect in The States, and the entire time, I was sitting in the row ahead of this guy praying that we get boarded by police and watch him get handcuffed on the tarmac. We can't all get what we want for Christmas.


Speaking of which, I celebrated the Holidays with the irreplaceable Kate Sherwood. I arrived at the Chiang Mai airport and met the gal, who then got us onto a paddy wagon type taxi where if it's full, they cram more inside and throw men on the back to dangle for their lives. Her home is a two bedroom pad on her school's campus. We got some grub for Christmas eve and she introduced me to the greatest desert ever made! It's called Rotee and it consists of banana fried inside a thin dough with chocolate and condensed milk poured on top. a-roi... masisseoyo... delicious.

Over dinner she informed me of the specific plans I agreed to for helping her with her Christmas presentation to the school. I not only was to wear an elf costume (though my specific title was "Santie"), but I would be preforming a dance routine on stage in front of all 2800 kids, plus the staff. Imagine this:


A giant elf running on stage with an American flag draped around his neck dancing and pumping his fists to the Queen song, "We Will Rock You". Thank god this wasn't Iran, I would've been shot no before the second chorus. This dance routine was somehow supposed to represent Christmas, but I don't get it. I just do what the Thais tell me to do.

I spent the rest the day acting as a cop-out for Kate to teach anything of significance, but I shouldn't dis that. It's actually a great way to get your kids to talk, by forcing them to interview the guest in class. We had lunch with the English department staff and I was accosted by pretty much all the women teachers. I quickly learned the word for handsome, but was saved in the nick-of-time by Kate and her classes desire to ask me how tall I am. I told them my sister was almost as tall and one girl screams, "OH MY GOD!!!"

At dusk, Kate and I took a leisurely bike ride through the country, stopping at Buddhist temples (wat), accommodating my excessive picture taking and watching a pick-up Christmas cock-fighting match in someone's front yard. I have to say, Thailand is the most beautiful place I've been in the world, and I've only seen 1 day's worth here, most of which was spent in a school compound. And granted, I haven't travelled nearly as much as I want to in life, but so far, Thai Thai takes the top.